Why Your Body Keeps Score (And What It's Actually Trying to Tell You)
Your chronic back pain could be more than just posture. That knot in your stomach might be about something deeper than what you ate. The tension in your shoulders that never seems to go away? It could be carrying more than everyday stress.
Your body is keeping score, but not in the way you might think.
Your Body Isn't Punishing You
When we talk about the body "keeping score," it's easy to imagine our nervous system as some kind of vengeful accountant, tallying up every difficult experience and making us pay for it later with pain, tension, and exhaustion.
But that's likely not what's happening.
Your body isn't keeping track to punish you. It's preserving experiences that were too overwhelming to fully process at the time—holding them carefully, waiting for gentle presence and curious attention to create the space where they can finally be felt and released.
Think of it less like a debt collector and more like a loyal friend who's been carrying your backpack on a long hike, waiting for you to be ready to look through what's inside.
What Your Body Is Actually Trying to Tell You
Every sensation, every pattern of tension, every area of chronic pain carries information. Your nervous system speaks in the language of the body, and once you start to listen, the messages become surprisingly clear:
That chronic tension in your shoulders could be more than muscle strain—it might be saying: "I'm still bracing for the next hit. I learned it wasn't comfortable to let my guard down."
The knot in your stomach that appears before social situations might be more than nerves—it could be communicating: "Last time I was vulnerable with people, it didn't go well. I'm trying to protect you by staying ready to flee."
The exhaustion that no amount of sleep seems to fix could be more than physical tiredness—your system might be saying: "I'm tired of carrying this alone. I need support, but I don't know how to ask for it."
Pain that moves around your body often means: "Something important is trying to emerge, but the conditions aren't quite right yet. I'll keep moving it around until someone can meet me with steady presence and open curiosity."
The Difference Between Managing and Listening
Most approaches to chronic pain and tension focus on management—making symptoms quieter, more bearable, less disruptive to daily life. Pain medications, muscle relaxers, breathing techniques, positive thinking—all aimed at getting the body to stop making noise.
But what if the goal isn't to quiet your body, but to learn how to receive the information it's been protecting?
This doesn't mean you have to live in pain or that managing symptoms is wrong. It means considering that your body's signals might be trying to guide you toward something important, rather than simply inconvenience you.
When you shift from "how do I make this stop?" to "what is this trying to tell me?", something changes in your relationship with your own experience. The body often begins to relax when it feels heard and met with genuine curiosity, not when it's forced to be quiet.
What Changes When You Start Listening
I've seen people's chronic pain begin to shift not through aggressive treatment, but through gentle, curious attention to what their body has been trying to communicate. When someone finally has space to feel what they've been carrying—and more importantly, when they can feel it in the presence of compassionate witnessing and loving curiosity—the body often begins to release what it no longer needs to hold.
This isn't magic. It's the natural result of completing interrupted processes, of finally providing the safety and support that allows stuck experiences to move through.
Your nervous system is incredibly intelligent. It knows what it needs and when the conditions are right to let go. Our job isn't to override that intelligence, but to offer the kind of warm presence and genuine interest that allows it to do what it's been waiting to do.
Building Capacity to Listen
Learning to listen to your body takes practice, especially if you've spent years trying to manage or ignore its messages. It's not about diving into every sensation or emotion that arises—that can actually overwhelm your system further.
It's about building your capacity to be present with your experience gradually, at a pace that feels manageable. Sometimes this means working with someone who can help you stay present when difficult feelings arise, someone whose calm attention and kind curiosity can hold steady while yours processes what it's been carrying.
And sometimes, as Steve Ozanich explores in The Great Pain Deception, you can begin to make progress simply by consciously, deliberately using faith to counter the fear that pain generates. When you stop being afraid of what your body is telling you and start trusting that it's trying to help, the dynamic between you and your pain can shift significantly over time.
The goal could be more than eliminating all pain or tension. It might be about developing a different relationship with your body—one based on curiosity rather than fear, listening rather than controlling, presence rather than avoidance.
Your Body Is On Your Side
Your body has been working tirelessly to protect you, even when its methods feel uncomfortable or inconvenient. The tension, the pain, the exhaustion—these might be more than signs that something is wrong with you. They could be signs that your system is still working, still trying to help you process and integrate experiences that were too much to handle alone.
The score your body has been keeping isn't a debt you owe. It's a record of your resilience, a testament to your nervous system's commitment to your survival and healing.
When you're ready to listen, your body is ready to share what it knows.
If you're curious about learning to listen to what your body has been trying to tell you, I'm here to support that process. You can learn more about how I work here or reach out directly to schedule a conversation.
